good-for-nothing.

yeah i failed my violin grade 8, ok? and i might barely pass this time around if i'm lucky.

yeah i can't play in tune because i can't even tune my strings right and my fingers are fat and pudgy and nowhere near dextrous enough to play fast pieces. so i make a mess of slow ones too.

yeah i know all those people in OMM/SNYO/NAFA they're my batchmates. what? oh, nah, i'm not there because i'm rubbish compared to them. something like the only person in my level who's not amongst them. there couldn't be a worse robber of self-belief/confidence.

yeah, i actually have to fake those running passages but the rest of the section get them right head-on.

yeah my violin's ill-maintained. so's my bow. and my piano. while we're at it, my scalp is weak, my hair needs to be shampoo-ed twice a day to even be somewhat clean, my back's crooked and covered with marks, my ears are screwed up, my eyes just as bad, my nose is becoming deformed, my feet are still sick, my digestive system hasn't worked properly every day for the last month, and my head hurts.the only properly functioning part of me may be my hands. and even those can't do anything on the violin. so what's the point.

and no one's my real friend anyway.

i'll always be the last choice, the first one left behind, the odd one out. all my peers around me make me feel peerless in every aspect. sidelines,backstage and shadow, seems that's as far as i'll ever get.

i used to think i'd be able to cheer myself up or at least express myself by being able to play that sort of music. but i can't even do that, so what can I do?