Saturday, September 29, 2007
I'm getting stretched to breaking point.
assessments are around the corner(like, almost literally)
on top of that, you curse me more often than talk,
how am I to study, if i have negative words hurled at me every so often.
I have to and will mug tomorrow the whole day, for like the first time in my life. Nothing to do on the computer, no one to talk to, no new music to listen to....
and i feel sad once again.
Adi added to the nonsense at
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Labels: At Wit's End
Feel like i just wasted away today's off day. Even though I revised MEP, History, and half of Life Science.... I need more time for Life Science. >< MEP I'm never too sure about everything. History always seems like it's gonna be easy but somehow i manage not to get the appropriate marks.
Lang Arts, not remotely worried. My prose analysis is a forte. Though TKMB may pull me down...
Math is a joke.
Phys+Chem quite ok I hope
E Sci is more GK than ....science? hahaha
Feel like a complete moron. I have a gut feeling I am going to screw up these exams, due to my lack of preparation. I just can't seem to get the information into me hard and true.I just hope I can pull it off one more time, like i did before.
Then again, this may all be occurring to me because I have been listening to a lot of orchestral/instrumental music today. That always makes me emotional, in various ways. Shan't elaborate today.
Just how do I tell you this once more? I can't find a way out of this. It's like you're too strong for me. Perhaps if you deal me the final blow will i finally succeed in breaking away, for the last time. It would be better for you and for me. If you hear me, just....do it to me after the exams are over, okay? that means after 10th october.Yes. I am greatly indebted, and in greater sorrow.
We're falling apart right at the death. Friendships are straining, tempers are being lost,loyalty is a rare occurrence. We've outlasted every hurdle, surely we can hang on tight until the exams are over? I hope it's not too much of an ask, coming from one of the first people to be broken off.
If we just cant hold ourselves back,I guess I'll have to join in the ruckus. I am not a force to be taken lightly. Yes. Go on. Laugh at me. I'm always the fool, the jackass. Well lemme show you what this fool can do. I sincerely hope you don't make me show you. You may be afraid of the Involuntary Captain, and you have every right to be. But just try to cross me again...
Adi added to the nonsense at
Monday, September 24, 2007
as i speak, india and pakistan are contesting out the first icc twenty20 final. yuvraj just got caught and bowled by Umar Gul.
i still think mohammad hafeez is a bowler with great style :D
ahh, didn't do so well for hindi paper 1. ><
exams start Monday, and i just started studying for them. I really gotta cram bio, history and mep on wednesday's holiday.
Gonna enlarge my piano repertoire by a lot in the next one year, while i idle till grade 8.
i feel so alone and awkward sometimes, like I'm not really important, or a 'real' part of something.
No help consoling me, it doesn't quite work.
it's how i've always been and always will be: the different one, the extra person. Never qualified, never good enough.
On top of that, i don't even have any hope anymore. like, permanently? You just make me feel that way....
बारिश कि रिमझिम कुछ गा रही है
बेताबी दिल पे मेरे छा रही है
खुशबू हवा भी तेरी ला रही है
ला रही है
अरमानों पे सितम ध रही है
तेरी खबर ना कोई आ रही है
सम्मा कि रोशिनी भी जा रही है
तेरी याद आ रही है
आ रही है
मेरी जान जा रही है
जा रही है
Rain drops keep falling frm da skies
Like the tears frm my eyes
सरे नग्मे सरे मौसम दिल जयेलें
आब तो हर दम
मिलने जुलने कि मज़बूरी
करते बन गई अब्ब यह दूरी
तेरी खबर ना कोई आ रही है
सम्मा कि रोशिनी भी जा रही है
तेरी याद आ रही है
आ रही है
मेरी जान जा रही है
जा रही है
Rain drops keep falling frm da skies
Like the tears frm my eyes
उमीदो के दीप जालाये बैठा हूँ में
ख्वाब सजाये
यह फुर्कत का गुम तद्पद्ये
एक लम्हा भी चेन ना आये
तेरी खबर ना कोई आ रही है
सम्मा कि रोशिनी भी जा रही है
तेरी याद आ रही है
आ रही है
मेरी जान जा रही है
जा रही है
बारिश कि रिमझिम कुछ गा रही है
बेताबी दिल पे मेरे चाय रही है
खुशबू हवा भी तेरी ला रही है
ला रही है
अरमानों पे सितम ध रही है
तेरी खबर ना कोई आ रही है
सम्मा कि रोशिनी भी जा रही है
[तेरी याद आ रही है
आ रही है
मेरी जान जा रही है
जा रही है]२
Rain drops keep falling frm da skies
Like the tears frm my eyes
Adi added to the nonsense at
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
लबों को लबों पे साजो तोध दो खुद को तुम आआया.. आया.. तेरे एह्सास्सों में भीगे लम्हतो में को भी दो खुद को तुम अआया,आया.. लबों को लबों पे साजो तेरे ज़ज्बातों में महकी सी सासों में अआया..आया.. लबों को लबों पे साजो
क्या हो तुम मुझे अब बताओ
बांहों में मेरी
बांहों में मेरी
बांहों में मेरी
बांहों में
मुझको डूबा तिश्नगी सी हैं
तेरी अदो से दिलकश खातों से
इन लम्हों में जिन्दगी सी है
हया को ज़रा भूल जाओ
मेरे ही तरह पेश आओ
रातों में मेरी
रातों में मेरी
रातों में मेरी
रातों में
क्या हो तुम मुझे अब्ब बताओ
यह जो महक संदली सी है
दिल कि पनाहों में बेख्री सी आहों में
सोने कि ख्वासिश जगी सी है
चेहरे से चेहरा चुपो
सेने कि धड़कन सुनो
देख्लो खुद को तुम
अन्न्खों में मेरी
अन्न्खों में मेरी
अन्न्खों में मेरी
अन्न्खों में
क्या हो तुम मुझे अब्ब बताओ
Adi added to the nonsense at
I find my current lack of 'mugging' and worry about the EOY exams rather disconcerting, given the importance of them to my future. I mean, this time it's going to be the easiest it's been since Sec 1 Term 1, but still i should prepare for them, shouldn't I? Hindi exam is on saturday and i haven't looked at my worksheets or anything. waiting for teacher to show us the various patra formats tomorrow One More Time before i start revising for it. then MEP. ahhhhh! This is the only exam that i get nervous about. ):
Then LA(I), History, LA(II), P Sci, L Sci, E Sci, E Math I & II. and yay it's overrrrrrrrrr. then class residential camp, and durga pooja at BA, and other stuffs.
Oh yeah, in January ACPhil will be putting up another concert!!! come one come all. Programme will include star wars and gershwin's rapsody in blue, Harry Potter, Lord of The Rings and other pieces/suites subject to change at any point in the future.
3.13/3.14, here I come. History and Geog are fun admittedly, but i just don't think they're worth it so much.
83 for history debate!!!! could've done better though. don't think it was quite fair that i got the 2nd lowest in my team, being the first speaker and the only one of the 4 who put all his points through properly and stuff. the others got 89,86, and 74/6?....
did you ever
doubt your dream would ever come true
did you ever
blame the world but never blame you
I will never
try to live a lie again, i don't wanna win this game if i can't play it my way....
...will I find what i lost,
you know you can
bet on it.
I wanna make it right
that , is the way
to turn my life around
today, is the day
am I the type of guy
who means what i say
bet on it.
unbalanced decision, but perhaps i'll take my chances.
Xue Wei is a fantastic violinist. his Carmen fantasy and BL Concerto are one of the best renditions i've ever heard, and i've heard a few of each.
HAHHAHA Koon Min and I have been requested(ordered) by DaveTay to play a small violin duet on Friday during PC period or something. -.- I'm thinking He's A Pirate?
I should stop caring about my image any longer. Once broken considered......irreparable? What with my shirt staying untucked from the first lesson onwards( i SWEAR!! it un-tucks itself! D: honestlyyyyy) people thinking i style my hair ( for the life of me I've no idea how to do so actually. ): )
-JAZZA- : Hiding In The Hero
Very lovely track there, shame all those Newgrounds people don't have record deals yet. oh wait, that's a good thing, i don't have to pay to download all those awesome tracks.heh.
Just haven't had time to work on my composition.........*grimaces* I probably won't either till t11th October or later.
Nobel Prize(of a couple of years ago) Winner V.S.Naipaul is a lousy writer. He writes too allegorically.
Adi added to the nonsense at
Monday, September 17, 2007
शाम है जाम है और है नशा
तन भी है मॅन भी है पिघला हान
छायी है रंगिनिया फिर भी है बेताबियाँ
क्यों धड़कता है दिल
क्यों येह कहता है दिल
दीवानों को अब तक नही है येह पता
आज कि रात खोना है क्या पाना है क्या
खोना है क्या
आज कि रात खोना है क्या पाना है क्या
खोना है क्या
दो घड़ी में यहाँ जाने क्या हो गया
जो हमेशा था मेरा दिल मेरा हो गया
कौन किसके दिल में है फैसला होगा
फैसला है यही जीत होगी मेरी
दीवानों अब तक नही है येह पता
आज कि रात खोना है क्या पाना है क्या
खोना है क्या
आज कि रात खोना है क्या पाना है क्या
खोना है क्या
आऊं मैं तुमसे कहू बात चुपके से
रंग बदलेगी पल में रात चुपके से
तुमको ले जाऊंगा फिर साथ छुपके से
जाओगे तुम कहाँ देखो मैं यहाँ
दीवानों अब तक नही है येह पता
आज कि रात खोना है क्या पाना है क्या
खोना है क्या
आज कि रात खोना है क्या पाना है क्या
खोना है क्या
Adi added to the nonsense at
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
this term is becoming a blitz. And i've had it guaranteed that as I progress to the higher years the blitz will be more crazy and action-packed. It's really thrilling, and I love that, but, the stake is too high this time. Prestige, friends, academics, IBDP!!, career, future....
perhaps it would be a wise course of action to follow ria's lead and go into hiatus. It would certainly provide me with ample time to salvage my academics since PSLE.
oh anyone know where I can get violin lessons, which are NOT the basic grd 1-5 stuff, not cristofori, yamaha edvox private lesson or sth. Like , any other music centre or school in singapore I can go to? Junyi, anything?
lot of changes have happened this year in my life, some i'm trying to forget, some i'm really greatful for, some indifferent. I just want to move on and change it altogether, but something insides me nags for a little more time to just sit and wait. Is that going to be a sensible thing to do? we'll have to see.
Every time I watch a romance or love movie it makes me cry, both for the characters involved, and myself.Yet I can't resist them. There is a sense of tragedy behind them that just draws me. Perhaps i'm just a walking disaster....it certainly explains everything
Adi added to the nonsense at
Monday, September 10, 2007
=(
should I
or
should I not.
I don't think I want to know the answer, really......
it just makes me feel so pathetic inside. Not that people find me any different on the outside.
Why can't I ever stop it. I don't want to keep getting hurt all the time. Yet it always engulfs me like this. They say 3rd or 4th time lucky, but I don't think I have the heart to survive till then. I would just be totally crushed.
Either way would change my life a lot, both for the better and for the worse. There isn't much option left here is there...
Adi added to the nonsense at
Friday, September 07, 2007
Labels: thismarksthefirst.
ok I just started on my first real composition. with a little help from Finale Notepad 2007 :D
It's currently titled Lamentations, till I think of a better name. It will eventually sound sad,epic and like a closing theme of sorts. (pun not intended, Tim)
scored for flute, violin and piano. haha.
mm. Perhaps i,cherry and one of my acphilers can try it out when i'm done. no hurry though, will take me quite some time.
Adi added to the nonsense at
Thursday, September 06, 2007
it was 156 a couple of years back. damn.
haha I don't quite believe the branding of ' Genius' for that iq level. Perhaps way above average? I dunno.
so today I had cricket training, and I finally got to play after a long while. Haha my weird stats remain the same. Every opening ball I face, I get a single off it. Next ball either im out, hit a 4 or leave the ball. Just so happens I got the first one. Gah. it was so careless! especially after my audacious effortless first shot right back at the bowler.oh well, perhaps I can do better on saturday/monday...
anyone watch the superb match between india and england yesterday? smashing stuff....there were a few other lovely tests and odis this year. But the best game EVER so far was in 2006, between australia and south africa. It was,like, epic!. Go hear for the full story http://content-usa.cricinfo.com/rsavaus/content/current/story/240507.html
you will doubtless find countless videos of highlights and whatnot on google video and youtube and metacafe and whatever.
mansi I hope things are better between us soon. I can't live like this forever.
Adi added to the nonsense at
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
lolz.....from QDB.
Adi added to the nonsense at
Labels: famous last words
oh man I feel so miserable today.....especially after everything that's happening.
I might just break down later when I go to bed, I don't know.
reiteration: why.
/reiteration.
and england just whacked india for 30 in the last over of their innings. Not helping.
I can't say I feel like the saddest person on earth, because it may be only applicable to those in First World Countries, and even then only momentarily, and still perhaps not.
but however you get what I am trying to say....
)))))))))):
Adi added to the nonsense at
why.
everytime someone isn't happy with me
I lose all my self-confidence.
and feel as though
I could just.....
not ever exist.
I know i've obviously done something wrong.
and we have as well
how come they get another 100% mending
and mine never-failingly decreases
someday it will hit 0.
I hope I will no longer be around to witness
or experience
that incident...
why did you always ask me not to leave then?
if the criterion is such.
what keeps forcing you to retain me
if everytime I have to fall back harder
why can't I just leave once and forever.
please....
of course it will hurt me.
maybe permanently
but I think that's the best hope for me now.......
Adi added to the nonsense at
