..A World of Nonsense..

you told me your PR skills are going down the drain today. I told you some lame joke about that.
What I should have told you is that I'm one to talk, i've never had them anyway. Everyone personal to me, has suffered because of me. and that will always happen. No wonder my school never wanted to be my friend, because perhaps they knew about this. they are truly smart. I'm just to specialize in being nobody to everyone. everyone who even remotely cared about me gets hurt in someway. they say laughter's the best medicine but there are some things nothing can cure.time to be going,going &gone from here.....

Labels: dead

Adi added to the nonsense at 5:56 AM

Oh joy, we've hit post 150. has been a long while in coming, hasn't it.

no of course i won't start reflecting on those days gone by and all that tosh. you know i'm too unstereotypical for THAT.mm yeap. soo this shall be as unincredible/memorable as any other,uh, post.

so there was the SSO: A Season in Dresden concert on Friday night, then CentreStage 2008 @ ACSI last night. both were excellent, and memorable. especially CentreStage. Every play deserved to win. Everybody had a great time, probably a greater one than the previous CS. okay now i'm set on being in CS'10. Join me every ACSian! Let us partake of the thrill of taking Centre.Stage.

SMO and RMUN are inching closer and closer....oh and my IOP's this week. I'm proud of what i've done with the PPT by myself, seeing as i'm just exploring powerpoint slowly for the first time. it looks really cool, the ppt not the application. so far i've managed to do just what i need for the IOP.

I think Lunar's 2nd album isn't as good as their first. still, it beats the crap out of 95% of american pop artists. ohhh dear another occupied week ahead. tmrw math comp training: my first attendance this year *applause*, next day MEP/Cricket finals spectatorship :P, next day rehearsal, next day training maybe, next day i forget what, ive a nagging feeling i've something on friday. i'm not quite sure. my dad's saying he's getting free tickets for Queen (and some other person's) musical We Will Rock You, which apparently is a sensation worldwide right now.interesting.....?

everytime we talk to each other, im irresistibly reminded of just how wonderful you are again. everytime i'm by myself, i keep wondering what draws you to me. why i can't seem to let go of you no matter how much i want to. sometimes i realize how pathetic i really am, if i can't even tell my heart what to do, let alone my mind. there are others waiting just for a small ray of hope, and here i am blocking all the openings. tell me, should I really stay on this way or must i come to my senses. it's been blissful ignorance, hanging in indifference in your eyes, because even indifference hints at some sort of favourable feeling. I know too that, whatever happens between you and me, or me and anyone else within the next 5, short, action-packed years will never stay to last, yet will leave permanent marks in our memories. for almost nothing happy in my life has ever been let to stay, yet the things that take away that smile off my face linger, taunting and teasing, for as long as possible. it's ironic everyone says that i can never stop smiling, when there's almost nothing to smile about. it's ironic that my face can never portray a sad expression, for they say my mouth does not know the meaning of sadness, so how can it ever droop in dismay? yet inside me that is the permanent expression. you, though, are something that actually brings meaning to my smile, though you may not know it. which is why i try not to smile anymore. for i know it is foolishness and you won't be around near me forever, nor would you want to. i dont want my head in the clouds harboring wild delusions, objectivism>subjectivism now for me. it never worked any other way. nor was it intended to. a human entity such as I is not permitted to ever feel good about themself, so why do I still think of you? why're you such a striking person, that you've made a dent in my heart? you never understand it, always shy away from such things, so why do i ever keep any hope? so many unanswered questions, better left unanswered for the most part, for life's queries never cease. I just hope everything will come to some finite conclusion, finally, in the end, no matter how undesirable. the dejected grows weary of the chase life's little sarcastic dances and hopes an oncoming disaster sucks the life out of him, so he can no longer put others into dilemmas, and relieve the world of himself at last.

Labels: Chaconne - Vitali

Adi added to the nonsense at 4:16 AM

I Believe You - Low Kay Hwa
Chapters 1-17 - here
Chapters 18-20 - here

): these stories always make me so sad, sometimes even cry. but it's more than worth a read. please.

Adi added to the nonsense at 4:19 AM

so I suppose....a lot has happened since the last post. sigh, who really even cares.
I take it now that I am simply not allowed to be treated normally. so that means i have too high expectations of my peers, is that it?

well fine. I go for cricket training for the first time since before term 1 common tests and I am treated to 2.5 hours of being insulted. ah figures, i'll remember not to expect any less the next time I go.

not that any of you'd ever read this post. i just want to indicate that you guys take away my happy parts of life for the sake of your own moment of ego. so naturally i'm mostly left with the neglectable parts, & I'm learning to dwell with what I have left now. maybe there's a bright side after all....

Adi added to the nonsense at 6:06 AM

So I haven't posted in ages admittedly. Could take the excuse of having tests, but nevermind. A lot has happened since the last post. my marks, for instance, have improved, but definitely not enough. *just* hit GPA 4.0(raffles system), 39 points (ibdp), 75.0%(the norm). bio, physics and mep killed me off. haha

Then was the founder's day concert. was quite fun, staring at the entire school getting really bored and wet throughout.heheh. but we don't get CAS ours for it! so sad so sad. our PSL sessions with the Year 1s are over now. too soon, one may think. My class (meaning mine, JohnCheong's,Daryl's,Michael Sia's, Jon Low's and 2 other ppl)was really nice though!(most probably thanks to mrs. salinah bee =X) they gave us choc cake, a thankyou card and a winnie the pooh plush toy thingy! it was hilarious.

then something came along that really brightened my life up. Y'know that i've always wanted to become a prefect. it's been one of my dreams. But, as things usually have been against me on purpose, in Sec 1 my class hated me so i couldn't apply and last year I missed the day of the applications because I had a bad fever s'help me. So I believed I'd never have a chance again.....and I'd live with that. Because in Sec 3, only the foreign students can apply. A good prefect friend of mine,2 days before end of term, was talking about the class needed another prefect to handle them, when I told him i'd always wanted to be a prefect, but no one ever seemed to want to let me be one, really. in a really bittersweet fashion. He, being the wonderful guy that he is in all aspects, took it upon himself to book me a place in the Prefect Selection Camp, from which I've just returned. Friday night -Monday morning. I'd never have believed there was any hope left after last year. just goes to show, what friends are for. making the impossible possible. (: thanks, c.m.yeo.

Throughout the camp, we sec 2s and sec 3s suffered a lot, enjoyed a lot, learnt a lot, but most importantly, grew together and stuck through thick and thin. the Instructors told us the theme of the camp was Harshness&Hardship, and boy were they serious. Who can count how many times we had to knock it down and hold it there for 5-30-minutes. not to mention waking up at ungodly hours for firedrills, and practically getting owned for every little thing we didn't do perfectly. I must say, for everyone, the first 1.5 days were an absolute nightmare of hell. Slowly, though, we showed our grit, and held together the next 2 days, which were the most strenuous. Instead of dreading the frequent time crises we faced and knocking it down, and million laps of the track we had to run together, we started to welcome it, for we now knew why we were doing it, and wanted to do our absolute best and cheer and learn with all our hearts. We went in as a bunch of random guys, we've come out a team of men who do everything as one, be it suffering or enjoyment.

Now that the camp is over, I can see that we really DID learn many valuable life lessons, not just the usual bullcrap people say after everything. For instance, before the camp I wouldn't think that I'm just being TOO slow if I wasted a whole afternoon recovering from all the strenuous activities I went through, I'd give myself a whole day. Now after the camp, having learnt the importance of punctuality and time management, I can only think of how much homework I could have completed and be annoyed with myself for not utilizing the time. I have no regrets anymore if i don't become a prefect in the end, though it still is my dream, because I know that I can still shine as an individual for people to follow, regardless of status, and that my life will be much better thanks to the entire camp. it is really unforgettable yeah....

I hereby relinquish my dream. Come what may. I will try not to mope about things any longer, because now I know that they were never in my hands, and that if they don't want to let me be happy, I just have to see through it. only thing missing is, someone to see through it all together with me, although there probably isn't any such person. just as well, don't have to endure my company.

PS. sorry to riadi and mansi for not being around during acsi all arts to see you guys. you know i had the camp so, please understand. thanks =)

Adi added to the nonsense at 3:20 AM