..A World of Nonsense..

and again, on new year's eve. my year ends on another forgettable note.
I guess I'm just jealous and selfish.
There's every right to get mad at me.

forgive me.
forget me.

because there's nothing else I can do,

when all everyone wants is
to render me worthless.

but one must try even a hopeless case.
so,

happy new year...

is it another night to cry?

Adi added to the nonsense at 4:32 AM

Well I feel it's time for some early New Years' resolutions, being fresh from EOY Camp.

Apparently I'm not important to some people anymore. Oh well. Throughout the last 3 years even being friends has been strenuous mostly, at best. I'm supposing this is a signal that it won't ever happen, and that you don't need me anymore after all that gone past.

no qualms about it. for the last and final time, I'm gone. Gone from you. we both have bigger, better things ahead of us, would be only foolish to waste our opportunities.
I resolve to be simply, your friend.

I now know where my commitments will henceforth lie. With my academics, and the ACPB. So what if I'm not in council; so what if I'm not exam-smart?
I'll show everyone for the first time. What potential I could have had over the last 3 years, unutilized, will be used next year. Friends will not go ignored either.

being a workhorse is painfully addictive. roughing it out is infectiously fun. Sleeping at 330am, walking on gravel barefoot in the dead lonely compound, nothing like it.

Here's to 2009.

Adi added to the nonsense at 5:00 AM

today outside wheelock place, in front of some christmas decorations, people were taking photos.
I was extremely reluctant to do so but my parents went ahead. When we were done we headed to eat and a guy tried to approach me to ask something but i quickly walked away after looking at him. I thought he was one of those sales advertistment people. Later I looked back and realized he was with a group of friends and was probably going to ask me to help them take a picture with their camera. he looked so shocked and disappointed that I really wanted to go back and explain it and help take the picture but I'm a coward, so. That has been nagging me all evening because it's made me feel really bad, unneccessarily rude.

Adi added to the nonsense at 4:31 AM

I'm in Singapore again.

hi.

OK, bloody hell. my descendants probably won't live to see the age of 50. the reign of man should end. hopefully. yes, hopefully.I admit I am terribly afraid of seeing the future play out something similar to Arthur C. Clarke's A Time Odessey series.

I am feeling utterly useless, rusty and weak even though it's time to make merry. I know what I'm going to do next year, and this time it's going to be right. but that notwithstanding, unsupportedly, life suddenly feels stale. i'm not finding any happiness in social interaction.

dreariness. that's what overseas travel does to me. i'm going to do next year with a lot of commitment, but no passion. like some very-capable sloth.

someone has to reignite me again.

and i've never celebrated christmas properly. never will i think.

a look of stunned helplessness and moroseness.

Adi added to the nonsense at 5:32 AM